Homily for wedding of Marnie Prevost & Matt Weir
The Cathedral Church of St. John the Divine
New York City
January 19, 2008
Datu Ramel Photography, Chicago
Who would have thought? Marnie & Matt singing “I DO, I DO” in the world’s largest cathedral. Actually it’s a spoken “I Will, I Will” in this liturgy’s Declaration of Consent, but at any rate I, for one, am very impressed with the venue. “Who would have thought” would certainly have included me when I recall my introduction to the Cathedral Church of St. John the Divine as a teenager. The Archbishop of Canterbury, Michael Ramsey, came to this cathedral in the early sixties, and I had been conscripted to be one of dozens of acolytes positioned at various strategic points in the nave to facilitate the drama of the Archbishop’s entrance through the great west doors and a procession down some significant percentage of these six hundred and one feet. My vantage point was spectacular about half way down the nave directly behind the choir that had processed in from one of the side aisles as the great doors opened and the state trumpet, all sixty-one pipes sounding like a chorus of Cadillacs, announced his arrival. I thought it was the second coming of Jesus, but, no, it was only the Archbishop of Canterbury but it was certainly impressive to a young teenager. I could not have imagined that some fifty years later I would again have some responsibility for a certain percentage of those six hundred and one feet as a Priest of the Church and with my daughter in hand to be met by her fiancé and his father, also a Priest of the Church. Who would have thought?
Churches have sometimes been referred to as “thin space” or a “thin place.” It’s that particular plane between heaven and earth where God’s spirit is present and palpable; lifting us up at the same time God is reaching down. The Christmas blessing captures that sense of this thin place when we pray, “may Christ who by his Incarnation gathered into one thing’s earthly and heavenly fill you with His joy and peace”.
But we are not here this afternoon to take a guided tour however spiritual an experience that might be, especially if Marnie is leading it, but rather to witness and bless the joining together of Marnie Prevost and Matt Weir in holy matrimony. And yet if this physical space can be described as a “thin place” between heaven and earth so might their marriage be described as that place as well. I well remember the remarks of another Archbishop of Canterbury who said at the wedding of Charles and Diana that while they were a royal couple every marriage was of a royal couple in the blessing God intended for them. Of course a lot of good that did Charles and Diana but the point is well made none the less. Marnie and Matt are in their marriage being lifted up by God, sustained by God, in its sacramental nature of being an outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual grace. Holiness is found here, profound and yet so accessible, miraculous but very day-to-day.
I’m grateful that the lessons you have chosen also reflect a thin place in their descriptions of love. The Song of Solomon, also known as the Song of Songs, is often interpreted as an extended allegory of the love God has for Israel or the love of Christ for the Church. Those allegorical interpretations cannot, however, disguise the explicitly erotic nature of the Song of Songs, one of two books of the Bible with literally no reference to God, and the only book of the Bible narrated by a woman and, further, a woman who describes herself literally as “black and beautiful.” I’m glad we have a student of the Hebrew scriptures, Jessica Marshall, an almost Jewish Rabbi, who is not black but is certainly beautiful to embody something of the sense of that scripture’s earthy loveliness. “Set me as a seal upon your heart. Love is strong as death.”
Our familiarity with 1st Corinthians often masks the multifaceted, multiphysical, multispirtual nature of love as patience and kindness and never-endingness. It is the Greek Agape, a word used to describe the ultimately sacrificial nature of that love and a word that has become popular but nonetheless an ideal, the “unconditional” nature of that love. It is love as the thin place connecting death and resurrection in its insistence in the wellbeing of the other, taking Christ to the cross and taking you and me to extraordinary lengths in the giving of ourselves for the sake of love, for the sake of our beloved.
John’s Gospel is even more explicit in describing how the love we have for one another can be a mirror of God’s love for us and that the joy we find in one another is of God and like God. I understand, Marnie and Matt, that Dean Kowalski’s pre-marital sessions with you covered everything from sex to spirituality. Well, he is right in line with scripture if the Song of Songs and 1st Corinthians 13 and John’s Gospel are to be believed.
Our prayers for you also reflect how your marriage is to be a thin place between heaven and earth. “Make their life together a sign of Christ’s love to this sinful and broken world, that unity may overcome estrangement, forgiveness heal guilt, and joy conquer despair.” The vows you will be exchanging shortly convey that same sense of how all of life’s experiences, all of life’s troubles as well as satisfactions can be, and most likely will be brought to bear on how God’s spirit will be revealed in your lives and in your commitment.
Marnie, you and Bev and I had a conversation a few months ago. You may not remember but it impressed us with its thoughtfulness around the issue of what sustains a marriage. We were talking about 1st Corinthians 13 and you said that of all those descriptions of love and of any other descriptions of love it is the respect that we have for one another that you value the most. We went on to talk about trust and honesty as critical parts of respect but also the necessary ingredient of forgiveness because none of us are perfect and there are times in every marriage when we will inevitably hurt one another and when we will need to have the courage to say we’re sorry. That too is part of the thin place and might even be its most critical juncture. Parents need to have that quality exercised as well, for as much as we need for you to trust and respect us, we also need your forgiveness for the times we inevitably hurt you.
And so, Marnie and Matt your lives are intended to be a thin place in a commitment you make before God and God’s people to one another and what you each individualy bring into this union. The gifts you have been given for that commitment have long been a blessing to others and will continue to be so. Marnie, your irrepressible enthusiasm has been an absolute marvel especially in light of the physical burdens of responsibility you bear so courageously and lovingly, burdens that are yours through no fault of your own but rather a genetic legacy Bev and I wish had never been ours to convey. That thin place between heaven and earth is who you are and the joy you bring to others, in your welcome spirit, in the outreach which is inherent in your vocation. Your adviser at New Trier high school was spot on when she observed, “Marnie never meets a stranger.” As a child whenever you received a blessing before you went to bed, you and Elizabeth both insisted that you were to recite the prayer and made the sign of the cross on Bev’s and my foreheads as well. It made for a slightly complicated little bedtime ritual but the point was well made: not only priests bless but our children will bless us, and you and Elizabeth have always been that blessing for Bev and me.
And what perfect partners and friends you and Matt are for each other. Bev and Elizabeth and Mike and I have been enriched by Matt’s coming into your life, Marnie, and by our coming to understand how his life is that thin place too. Matt, you’re a smart guy, mostly because you found Marnie, but we’re all impressed with your progress through law school but more importantly with your passion for justice and your compassion for the marginalized. You are offended by life’s inequities and will stand up for those who may not be able to stand up for themselves. I also have a new appreciation for the Buffalo Sabres but was glad to know how sad you were when the Mets swooned so dramatically last October. It’s good to have another fan in the family and our musical trio has become a quartet. We love you as we love Marnie, and Bev and I are especially happy to have gained a brother and sister-in-law of sorts in Dan and Jan to kibitz and provide sympathy for one another in that peculiarly dysfunctional but highly entertaining world of clergy families. There is no end to the stories we tell one another.
As focused as we are, however, on Marnie and Matt, this is a thin place between heaven and earth not just because it’s a magnificent cathedral, and not just because Marnie and Matt are exchanging sacred vows, but because of the hopes and dreams and connections and faith journeys of all who are here whether from Winnetka or Buffalo or Cuttyhunk or Hobart and William Smith or Bank Street or St. John’s or by family or by friendship. We are guests at a heavenly banquet by the transforming of bread (albeit gluten free) and wine from the earth. And the hands and hearts and voices of us all are joined in the praise of our creator, in the friendship of our redeemer, and in the empowerment of our sanctifier.
And so in the words of Timothy Dudley-Smith and with the music of Richard Clemmitt, we all now will sing a hymn intended as a surprise wedding gift to Marnie and Matt, a hymn tune entitled “Margaret” just as a hymn tune entitled “Elizabeth” had been composed by Richard for hers and Mike’s wedding. It’s been added as an insert in our wedding booklets (but not in Marnie and Matt’s — but Elizabeth and Geoffrey have extra copies).
The words and the music convey all the affirmations of God’s presence and the Spirit’s sustenance we aspire to as we pray:
May the love of Christ enfold us, may the word of Christ direct us, and may the living Christ renew us as we walk his way.Amen.
